tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81129782747223454222024-03-12T20:45:04.638-07:00Social Media UnicornSocial Media Experts Are Like Unicorns.
Sssssh Don't Tell Anyone But They Don't Exist.Social Media Unicornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051688733818682797noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8112978274722345422.post-81561248570956261812012-05-05T01:41:00.001-07:002012-05-05T01:41:35.674-07:00What Social Media Experts will not tell you.FACT: They don't understand Social Media.<br />
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FACT: Their only interest in Social Media is to part you from your money.<br />
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FACT: Social Media will not miraculously improve your business.<br />
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FACT: What they know about Social Media can be picked up for free in a matter of hours<br />
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FACT: Nothing that they claim can be properly measured.<br />
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FACT: Anyone that calls themselves an expert after accumulating a tiny amount of knowledge and experience is by definition not an expert.Social Media Unicornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051688733818682797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8112978274722345422.post-67588356922745151162012-01-03T05:28:00.000-08:002012-05-05T03:35:55.849-07:00Social Media Fantasy LeagueLet's start the year with a bang by launching our new competition:<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Social Media Fantasy League"</span></div>
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To enter follow @Social_Unicorn then send a tweet telling us the name of your team and include the hashtag #socialmediafantasyleague.</div>
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To win you must earn points:</div>
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Points can be earned by tweeting with the hashtag #socialmediafantasyleague.</div>
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Double points will be awarded for using any of the following words:</div>
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Empowerment, Leveraging, Inbound, Optimise, Maximise, Humanise, Activate and Brand</div>
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RT's and feeds do not count, reusing someone else's thoughts and words is cheating.</div>
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Prizes include:</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Diamond Level Managed Social Media Experience Expert Membership</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Ten new followers</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">A shiny badge that says "Social Media Expert"</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">A free PDF download of a Social Media Guide (may be two years out of date)</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">A £5 Starbucks voucher so that you can hang out with all the other Social Media Experts</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">A T Shirt that says "I paid £60 for Social Media Training which I could have got for free if I knew how to use Google"</span></span></div>
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Enter now ! You don't have a moment to lose.</div>
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<br /></div>Social Media Unicornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051688733818682797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8112978274722345422.post-83174714810453792122011-12-23T03:10:00.000-08:002011-12-23T03:11:18.753-08:00Out of touch with your customers ?Is your company clueless about your customers needs ?<br />
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Yes ?<br />
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Well why not get a complete stranger who knows nothing about your company to manage your social media ?<br />
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For the complete impersonal touch, hire a Social Media Expert to interact with your customers on your behalf.<br />
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Remember to ensure that you only hire a certified Diamond Level Social Media Expert<span style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"> (Trademark applied for)</span></span> as this will guarantee that you will receive advice from someone who has attended at least 3 entire hours of training.Social Media Unicornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051688733818682797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8112978274722345422.post-75301720020067119832011-12-22T09:53:00.000-08:002011-12-22T09:54:20.313-08:00Diamond Level Managed Social Media Experience Expert Membership1. We will create some lovely social media profiles for your brand/company/concept/collective/group/gang on Facebook (including your own Farm on Farmville), Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+ and as an added bonus create you a level 43 Warlock/Wizard character on World of Warcraft.<br />
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2. We will tend your Farm on Farmville to ensure that all livestock are fed and watered and that all crops are harvested in a timely manner.<br />
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3. We will attend local networking meetings on your behalf (let's face it you don't want to do it).<br />
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4. We will Tweet/Status Update/Poke/Share and generally annoy all of your followers on an hourly basis through the use of pre-scheduled feeds from other peoples blogs and news streams.<br />
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5. We will occasionally glance at your mentions/messages/inbox/direct messages/comments and if the mood takes us we may even reply to one or two a day.<br />
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6. You will get your very own certificate, identity card and special badge proving that you are a Diamond Level Social Media Expert. This will enable you to sell your services as a Social Media Expert to other <strike>gullible</strike> enlightened <strike>mugs</strike> people.Social Media Unicornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051688733818682797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8112978274722345422.post-33847971664779826602011-12-22T03:37:00.000-08:002011-12-22T03:45:24.141-08:00Four Steps To Social Media Superstardom1. Open a Twitter a/c.<br />
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2. Choose a really really nice picture for your profile.<br />
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3. Follow Stephen Fry.<br />
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4. Send some Tweets about how brilliant Twitter is, don't worry about repeating yourself or being annoying.<br />
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Job done.Social Media Unicornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051688733818682797noreply@blogger.com0